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  1. #11
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
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    California, USA.
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    724

    Default RE: mamas with a history of difficult pg.....

    I'm sorry I don't have advice to share...I'm in the same boat except I'm not yet brave enough to be prego again.

    I think my innocence made the first experience doable...I had no idea how precarious an early arrival would be until it was obvious DS would be arriving and they told me what to expect - vent, NICU for several weeks, etc. (I was a preemie and turned out fine after several months in hospital, so what's the big deal?)

    Anyhow, DS surprised all the drs and was only in the NICU for 2 hrs! The beginning was very rough, but we got through it.

    I think about being pregnant again and how I would savor every little bit....I hope you are able to.

    Know that whatever happens, you will get through.

    Also, I was amazed at all the preemies I met who made it...23 wks, etc. Medically, we are in an amazing time.

    And, your MIL is a complete and total bitch. I think every mom of a preemie blames herself and second guesses (I certainly did). If you care enough about your child(ren) to lurk on this board, I'm betting you took great care of yourself during pregnancy. Even if you didn't, most women with poor prenatal habits deliver full-term babes. (sorry, something that irks me since SIL who smokes and drinks has had 3 normal pregnancies - thank goodness for the babies!)

    Hugs,

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Apr 2002
    Location
    NJ
    Posts
    9,114

    Default RE: mamas with a history of difficult pg.....

    Lynne-

    I can completely sympathise. Some of the Mommies here may remember that Sophie was a twin. At my 19w u/s to determine the sex of the babies, we were told that her brother Harry had something called acqueductal stenosis. It is a narrowing at the base of the brain that prohibits normal drainage of cerebral spinal fluid (CSF). Because the CSF can't drain, it builds pressure in the ventricles, causing them to enlarge.

    I went through a rushed amnio to determine if it was chromosomal, and to see if Sophie would be OK. Went through numerous consultations with some of the best pediatric neurosurgeons throughout the country in person and on the phone, even going as far as to look into the possibility of in utero surgery to correct the situation.

    Sadly, the pressure became so great, Harry's brain tissue ceased to develop. We ended up doing a reduction on him at 24w. Had I carried him to term, we risked losing Sophie, and he would have only lived for a couple hours, likely in severe pain. It was a horrible, horrible time in my life. Thankfully, Sophie arrived at 38w2d via c/s completely healthy.

    We had to go through fertility treatments for both Sophie's pregnancy and this one with Amelia, so it wasn't a surpise to us. However, it's not been easy for me at all. I have no family support to speak of (I'm sure you've read of my psycho Mother), and physically, pregnancy and I do not mesh well at all.

    After knowing how frighteningly wrong things can turn, I'm forever expecting *something* to happen. I am always assuming that today will be the day I end up in the hospital, or start bleeding, or lose the baby. I feel Amelia move and think my water is going to break.

    It's a sick game our minds play on us. Just know, that in the end, in all likelihood, it will all be fine.

    You have a long road ahead of you, but many of us have tread before you. Please know we are here to hold your hand. PM me and I will be happy to give you my number.

    hugs

    -m
    Wife to Jonathan
    Mom to Sophia 12/02 and Amelia 12/04

  3. #13
    jbowman is offline Emerald level (3000+ posts)
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    Jun 2003
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    Default RE: mamas with a history of difficult pg.....

    Big hugs!

    I only have one child, but had a couple of scares during my PG that occasionally made it difficult to enjoy. So I do understand the fear. I had vaginal bleeding at 12 weeks, which led the ER doctor to think that I might have begun to miscarry. Although that was not the case, I will never forget the utter sorrow I felt as I "waited" for a MC. It was heartwrenching and I never knew that I was capable of feeling so sad. Around 19 1/2 weeks, I was in a car accident (not my fault, BTW). That was also excruiating, as I waited for my US. I remember that I tried to focus on things like the baby's movements to make myself feel better!

    Fortunately Ellie arrived safely!

    I believe that the fear of something going wrong is a part of PG that few women talk about, regardless of how easy or difficult their pregnancies were. JMHO. I hope that you find some peace.

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Location
    EST
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    3,999

    Default RE: mamas with a history of difficult pg.....

    I just wanted to my best wishes to you and your little one. From reading your story, it sounds like your pregnancy nightmare went about as well as my conception nightmare....so although I can't give you any personal reassurance about your second pregnancy, there is plenty of wisdom to glean from the other mommies on these boards.

    I remember that each cycle we didn't conceive over the past year was a mini version of what you went through...the hope, the excitement, the nervousness, the ups & downs, the bad news, the dwindling hope, the disallusionment, the depression.....over and over and over and over....and what I found to be the biggest comfort during that time was:

    1) Turning to a higher power for comfort and strength (studies show that people who turn to spirituality [of any kind] during a medical crisis heal better and get through the crisis with astounding rates of success).

    2) Talking to people about your fears (DH & I also don't have many friends locally, but we made a point of joining message boards and a church, calling out-of-towners, and even talking to complete strangers).

    3) Diversion tactics: Find a passion, (non-medical related) that you can get excited about (a sport's team, the 2004 election, collectibles, home decor, etc) so your mind won't constantly be focused on the little pain here or little twitch there that sends your mind spinning into a frenzy of what ifs and fears (I know, so much easier said than done). I actually discovered PEANUTS (Snoopy and Charlie Brown) while ttc, and now I'm adicted to anything Snoopy. We actually went out and bought a snoopy dog (beagle) because of our love of that...and it did help a lot. I rub Boston, my dog's, ears or cuddle him when I'm sad. Maybe you could get a pet (an older one that doesn't need training) to calm your nerves? Anyhow, best of luck to you for a healthy, happy pregnancy this time around. You'll be in my family's thoughts and prayers.

  5. #15
    westchicagomom Guest

    Default RE: mamas with a history of difficult pg.....

    I have absolutely no advice - but you are definitely not alone.

    When I see mamas here announcing pg's so confidently (like nothing could go wrong) and proclaiming it to the world w/ "I'm the big sibling" t-shirts for their children after just taking the hpt, I have no idea how I could *ever* do that. I am really happy for them that they are able to, but after just 2 m/c's (one before and after DD was born), I think that any future pregnancies will be "ruined" in that way. I will never be able to take the health of a pregnancy for granted - not ever.

    I am generally not optimistic and am paranoid, so even after the first trimester, I was always worried about something (e.g. at 5 months, we were in Hawaii and I was scratched badly by an outdoor cat at the B&B we were staying at. I *had* to go to a local bookstore and look up everything I possibly could about that cat scratch disease and was mildly worried the rest of my pg about it). I worried before every u/s about what they would see/find. It drove my poor DH nuts! Soooo I am definitely not the one to ask about this.

    However, it sounds as if what happened during your 1st pg was just a fluke so I do think that you can relax. You went through an awful ordeal and it is highly unlikely that will happen again. It is amazing that you saw the face and movement on the u/s today. Everything seems to be going as it should be so try to enjoy your pg - it truly is an amazing thing and I think we all miss that feeling of having life inside us once it's over.

    Sorry to not be of any help!

  6. #16
    psophia17 is offline Diamond level (5000+ posts)
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    Aug 2004
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    Canada.
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    5,084

    Default RE: mamas with a history of difficult pg.....

    I can't offer advice on the difficult pregnancy at all, although mine had rough spots, it was overall easy.

    However, I do know the feeling of waiting for the worst to happen. DS wasn't exactly unplanned - we had talked about TTC and I had gotten the vitamins and everything, and then I was pg, without even trying. I was convinced that it had been too easy, I was supposed to have ups and downs before getting pg, and I kept waiting for the ball to drop. I was thrilled and not allowing myself to be thrilled.

    DH was a wreck, he figured since I was the pg one I'd have a sense if something was going to go wrong, and therefore my pessimism meant that something was going to go wrong.

    In the end, I bought a book (From Conception to Birth) and would go through it day by day looking at the pictures and reading about where my baby was in his development that day. When we got to the page where if he was born early, he could survive, I lightened up. I think it also helped that I have a cousin who was born at 22 weeks, and she survived and is currently a track star at her high school.

    There are tons of prayers going out for you, and those that aren't praying are thinking of you and sending good wishes your way. Whenever you get to a moment where you're overwhelmed, just think about that, take a few deep breaths, and do your best to relax.

    We're all pulling for you!

    -Petra

    DS - Nathan, 12/29/03
    Petra
    Mother of Two
    Owner of BaDumBums

  7. #17
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
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    Default Thanks

    Thanks ladies for the kind words, shoulders offered and advice! It does mean a lot knowing that I have friends here who are so willing to lend an “ear” and offer support. I don’t think DH quite gets it, but we are all very lucky to have such a generally close-knit group of ladies here - many of us who have been “together” for a year or more – to support each other across the miles!

    In my head I know that Sarah is right, I need to just get over it and just be happy. I also know that I CAN and WILL get through it no matter what happens. I hope that next summer I can look back at this and laugh at how silly I’m being! I think the most difficult thing for me to accept is that this IS so hard for me in the first place, if that makes any sense at all? I’m generally a pretty optimistic person and am mostly laid back about health issues, because I know I take good care of myself. If anything, it’s more typical for some sign of “trouble” to make me fiercely tenacious to make it be OK – this reaction is SO not typical for me! Even in the midst of that awful time during my first pg it didn’t really bother me a fraction as much as it is now! In fact, throughout the pg and up until just before I found out about #2 I always said (quite truthfully, and to the amazement of most who knew what I went through) that I loved being pregnant and missed it after he was born! I think, as ethansmom said, my naivety made it manageable? I think fear of the unknown goes along with any pregnancy, but somehow my fear of the “known” is much stronger than that of the uncertainty last time. Every twinge, every cramp sends me to the bathroom checking to see if this is “it”.

    ITA about women with poor habits tending to be the ones who have no problems! No offense to those who do smoke, etc. but it seems horribly unfair! I have a co-worker who totally made fun of me for not wanting to ever take Tylenol and for being cautious about what I ate (lunchmeat, soft cheeses, etc.). She bragged about how she smoked a pack a day and her baby is “just fine” (just fine except for the major asthma and allergies, but I digress…).

    Hearing that other mamas have felt the same way makes this all much easier to deal with and less guilt-inspiring for me. And reading the stories (again) about how many scares turned into positive outcomes is always reassuring – even though mine was one of those stories. I’m working on upping my attitude! Thanks again for all the support -I’m feeling the love!

    Lynne
    Mommy to Caleb 3/3/03
    http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_emerald_18m.gif[/img][/url]
    Oh my!! #2 5/05

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