I need your unbiased opinions-To have a 3rd Kid or Not?

[LexyLou]

Ok, this might get long because my mind is spinning, but I need unbiased opinions from people who don't know me IRL.

Our situation is a little funky.

DD1 is 7.5
DD2 is 5.5

There would be at minimum, a 6.5 year difference between DD2 and DC3. That's a big age gap. I know there are pros and cons to a large age gap.

DD1 and 2 are only 22 months apart and are very close. I was 28 and 29 when I had them so I would be 36ish when I have DC3. So, not too old, but definitely older than when I had the first two.

I'm concerned about it for a couple of reasons.

#1-My health. I have MS. I have had a very (knock on wood) mild case. I didn't have any exacerbation after DD1 and one with DD2 when she was 5 months old. I haven't had any since then.

#2-My DD's health. Both girls were dx'd with Epilepsy-Childhood Absence Seizures in May of last year. This can be outgrown. But DD2 got Lupus from her seizure medication. This is VERY rare! It has been a very tough year and she has been on Prednisone since September and is losing all the hair on her head from the inflammation. Her inflammation markers were the highest thet have ever seen at UCSF pediatric rheumatology. So it's been tough.

DD2 also suffers from anxiety and attention issues. She bites on all her clothes and gets very worried about things like fires, and earthquakes, etc..


Both girls had colic. It sucked. DD1's colic turned into sleep apnea. She was a beast until she was 3 years old and we figured out the problem. So it was like having a newborn with colic and a toddler with colic too at the same time. I swear I have PTSD from that period.

If you had asked me 2 years ago if I wanted a third I would have laughed like a maniac and said no way.

DH has ALWAYS wanted a third and not because he wants a boy. We both know we will most likely have another DD and we are both totally fine with that.

Lately, I'm feeling that pull to have a third. I just realize DD2 little feet and hands are not so little anymore. I'm realizing I miss having a little body in the house.

We both know if we are going to do it, we need to do it ASAP since we're not getting any younger. This is our final chance to have a third.

We can handle it financially, but I worry that because both our girls have health issues, are we foolish to bring another child into this world? I feel selfish when there is a great chance this child would have health issues too. DH says we don't know that...

So, what do you guys think? Yes on the third? Do you have big age difference between one with two super close? Am I too old? Did I miss the boat? Is it unfair when we have two children with health issues?

My brain tells me to just let it go and move on. My heart is telling me our family isn't complete.

[sariana]

Since you asked, my unbiased opinion, not based on your situation at all, is 2 parents, 2 children. So I would say no.

But you have to make a decision based on your own family, not my arbitrary population control issues.

Based on your situation, though, I also would say no. I think we all get those urges for another baby, but it's not just about a baby, KWIM? It's a whole new person, with all the attendant issues and needs.

Is there any way you could volunteer at a nursery or something for a bit, just to get some time to hold some babies? Maybe that will help you to solidify your desires.

And remember that giving birth is not the only way to expand your family...

[minnie-zb]

I would say no, but this is because of your MS. What would happen if you start to deteriorate after the 3rd child? What if it did cause complications?

ETA: I'm a cautious person.

[Ceepa]

Personally, I don't subscribe to the idea that when you're through you just know therefore if you have a little yearning you should act on it. It's true for some but for others baby pangs will come and go as we see babies or feel our own are growing up. To me that does not mean another child is the answer. Don't get me wrong, children are blessings, but I think parents need to really figure out WHY one or both are suddenly considering TTC another.

[hillview]

gosh that is such a deeply personal decision. I guess for me I'd consider things like
- is what the girls have genetic (or does a genetic counselor think you are more likely to have a child with special needs)
- what is the longer term needs your girls will have both emotionally and financially? does your level of availability and funding allow for this over time?
- I don't know a lot about MS and how it develops, this would factor into my considerations


In general I don't think you are too old. The other factors would be my primary thoughts. For me I have 2 and don't see how we'd work it out with one more. But that is just me and not you!!

[Katigre]

I would have a third in your situation. I don't see enough drawbacks. The colic can be managed with diet and such if your third has it too.

But I really really love having three kids and liked having more than one sibling growing up.

Sent from my Android phone using Swype

[KpbS]

I don't think you are too old. I would lean to voting yes for DC3. Yes, there are potential health issues (with DC3) but there are with any child. Does your doctor have an opinion on how another pregnancy might affect your MS? In the alternative, is adoption a possibility for you and your DH?

[daisysmom]

It is such a personal decision. I just don't think anyone here has a lighbulb answer that will cause you to have an Ah-ha moment, because no one has a personal situation just like yours.

I will say that 36 isn't too old. I had my one and only at 37 and pregancy and delivery was a breeze for me. Others in their 20s have had it rougher, as have others in their 40s. It is a factor to consider, but not determinative IMO.

I will also say that I have hankerings to have another baby all the time - I love children, I love the circle of life and how they grow and mature and become their own distinct characters at 6 months and now, 6 years. I believe it is ok to have that love and interest and not think it is a sign to have another.

[Philly Mom]

I am 5 and 7 years younger than my brothers and my mom was 36.5 when she had me. I am very close to my brothers and my mom was wonderful. I loved our age gap and I know my parents loved having a third kid. That said, she has no health issues and neither did any of us (one brother had meningitis but recovered). As a third kid with a large age difference, I was dragged everywhere. If I had had any special medical needs, it would have been a challenge. If my brothers' had special medical needs, I am not sure how I would have received all the attention I did. In addition, my MIL has an autoimmune disease. She had a flare up when DH was born and has never fully recovered. I think it is a risk.

[mommylamb]

I think this is a decision only you and your DH can make. If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't do it, but I don't have any desire to have more than two kids, and clearly you do.